About

Born in a small country in the Balkans called Bulgaria (commonly mistaken by the geographically “inclined” westerners as Siberia), @krion spend most of his childhood being deceived that his existence mattered and that he can change the world one school year at a time. At some point during this “utopia” his grandfather (who by choice was a colonel in the Bulgarian army) has been assigned (by @krion parents) to a mission critical to the national security – to baby sit the little @krion. Being a colonel and a damn good one I might add, he decided to delegate the responsibility to the lower class units under his command better suited and specialized for such a critical task – the FCPs (Factory Computer Programmers) also known as FPs, but when used in that short form usually implied slightly different (and not in a good way) meaning.

Equipped with a weapon known as “Computer” they decided to initiate a babysitting sequence known as “Karateka“, which would naturally eliminate the problem without an actual time spend on reading requirements and specifications while also reduce their productivity to 0, and therefore begin a social (fully subsidized by their employer) 8 hour break procedure. @krion at the time being easily described as a n00b (term widely used today, which in a nutshell signifies a disgrace to ignorance) was astounded by the “Computer” weapon and mainly by its power to control his thoughts and desires. Enslaved by it and its mind controlling powers, @krion became obsessed and decided to utilize all of his “super” powers against his parents in a crusade to obtain such a weapon of his own at all cost. After long nights of super crying and screaming like a little girl the mission seemed close to being completed. Once the weapon was obtained it was clear for everyone who knew @krion that his life will most likely be spent between functioning as a device, which turns water into software, and a screaming egocentric madman who’s main words are “It’s not a bug! – It’s an undocumented feature! And it works on mine machine!”

Somewhere along this fascinating excuse for a life, @krion also managed to believe that he can be an active participant in a game where a group of people chase a ball for the sole purpose of placing it in a bottomless ring attached on a pole! Given the “sky-high” ambitions already implied, it’s not surprising that such an excuse for wasting valuable calories would be described as a sport, and passionately argued by him that it also stimulates some kind of brain activity!

To justify the existence of the now 19 year old, the Bulgarian army decided that they did not have enough “Terminatorwannabes, and that adding another one would make them more relevant than a bunch of toy soldiers trying to stop a bulldozer. So now to make things even worse the astounding depiction of the pink panther had an AK47 in his hands! Given the inadequacy propagated by the contradiction of the word “soldier” and the definition of the Sleeping Beauty, @krion left the army one year after he gave hope to the whole Bulgarian military sector that they can make toy soldiers out of thin air.

Now facing pressure to justify the time invested into punching buttons in front of devices called “Monitors” (ahh… the irony), @krion made another step taking him closer to fulfilling his destiny as the guy who idolizes a fictional character called Milton. Convinced he has to go to the only country in the world ignorant enough to be fooled twice by a person who gives flesh and blood to the definition of stupidity, @krion got accepted into a equally ambitions and as relevant as himself university called University of Bridgeport. Implied by its location and the rather awkward lack of quality education, the so called University became @krion’s excuse for a temporary housing until eventually, and not surprisingly, he was “alleviated” of more than $50K, for which he was given a lousy piece of paper and a black robe. Some people in the great US of A might argue that he can be described as an overachiever at that point in his “impressive” oxygen-stealing existence!

The following several years can only be poetically described as “crappy” or not so poetically described as a desperate attempt of signifying existence at the end of which, a software company realized that they had enough of him, and decided to promote him in order to get him to do less. Overjoyed by his career growth @krion though that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it has nothing to do with the incoming train.

Somewhere in between this time, our inspired by ignorance hero managed to foolishly “Wink” at a female web profile on a web site, which can be described shortly with the dubious word “match“. This is where hell froze:-Blizzard released Diablo 3, Bush realized the meaning of OBGYN, Steve Jobs announced iItDoesNotMatterYouWillStillBuyIt and Michael Jackson as well as the majority of the today’s priesthood officially confessed that they would like to practice their “love with children all across this country”! She winked back! An actual… real life… intelligent … funny … beautiful woman incomprehensibly decided to return the wink, and inevitably convince @krion that he has exactly as much chance as Harry got quoted from Mary in the real life story of the average American teenager called “Dumb and Dumber“!

Note: As you can by now understand the implied paradox of the story recent developments is quite confusing, and in a sense adds another strong argument to the theory that women by definition are human beings absent of reason.

The actual established connection between our protagonist and this diva gained momentum with speed similar to that of a Russian alcoholic (meaning citizen) devastating a  bottle of Vodka or that of the American government bombing another country, in which there are “apparently” present weapons of mass dysfunction! What followed were years where @krion was looking in the bathroom mirror with an apparent smile every single day asking himself “What does she see in me?” followed by “How can I get more of the answer to that question?”.

Years passed, which brings us closer to the present day and to the quite anticipated by me end of this “About” nonsense …

Yours truly … The Mask of @krion.